do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
