Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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