either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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