is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
