If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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