I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
