Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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