my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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