under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
