my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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