you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
