It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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