Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
