if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
