i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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