you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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