I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
