if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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