Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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