If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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