I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
