can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
