I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
