Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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