Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FUCK WHALES
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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