God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
