I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
