Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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