I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
