Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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