bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
