you will always have a special place in my vag
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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