i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
