i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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