My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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