We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
