Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
