You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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