but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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