Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
