Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
