margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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