i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
