I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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