I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
