dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
