mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
