when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
