at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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