I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
