mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
