margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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